I’ve been working at this hip and trendy bar downtown for over a year now, and I can spot a poseur from the moment he or she walks in. You know the one, the one who’s got the one generic tattoo that your mom would actually consider on his forearm, and then gets talking about his preferred tattoo gun and all the tattoo supplies he ordered at www.thelashop.com. He doesn’t fool me. Because once you start talking about tattoos you quickly realize that he, while uncomfortable, is not going to back down. He’s going to try to bring up more subtle and specific information that he’s clearly making up, but you don’t actually have the knowledge on something so specific to prove him wrong. But you know he’s wrong. You know he’s talking loudly in order to impress the girls down at the other end of the bar. Want to know what impresses those same girl, my friend? Being a bar tender at this hip and trendy bar downtown is what. Think they’re noticing you and your charades? Everyone can see through you.
I’m not really a bitter person, I just have strong opinions and feel the world will be a better place when it learns from me. What music to listen to, what alcohol to get hip to, where and when to get a tattoo of course, and also what movies are worth the fifteen dollar price tag. None of them. Not a one. I get enough Hollywood types coming into my bar, and if I have to patronize one more failed actor or writer, I may just have to write and direct and star in my own major motion picture to show them up. Unfortunately I guess that makes me an aspiring actor and writer myself. I hate myself. And that makes me an aspiring musician. I can’t win.